Sonic gets Fired
by Ruzinus
Summary: Sonic gets fired. Hilarity ensues. Repeatedly. Then sadness ensues. Then drunkenness ensues. Then a rude awakening ensues. Then a forced marriage ensues. Then murder ensues. Then birth ensues. Then a cop chase ensues. Then a court trial ensues.
1. The Tragedy!

"YOU'RE FIRED!" screamed the Sega CEO.

"WHAT? You can't fire me!" protested Sonic.

"Well I just did," replied the CEO, "so get out."

"Okay..." said Sonic, who promptly performed a homing attack into the CEOs head, killing him instantly. Sonic then took over his job.

THE END


	2. The Arduous Task!

Author's note: Due to popular demand (read: much complaining), I have made the second chapter even shorter than the first.

---

Sonic picked up the phone, and prepared himself for the arduous task of making a call.

THE END


	3. Hedgehog OfficeWear!

Author's note: Due to popular demand (read: much complaining), I have made the third chapter even shorter than the second.

---

Having picked up the phone and prepared himself for the arduous task of making a call, Sonic proceeded with this arduous task. With great effort he pressed a number key, and repeated this action three more grueling times before remembering something which caused him to pause, stop, and put down the phone. He picked it up again, held it in front of his face, and with great intensity screamed at it:

"PHONE UNIT ZERO ZERO! ACTIVATE OPERATION USE SPEED DIAL TO CALL SHADOW! STAGE ONE GO!"

The phone rang. Someone picked up, and spoke:

"Hello, Shadow's phone."

"AMY?"

"SONIC?"

"What are you doing with Shadow?"

"I'm giving him heaaaa...eeeelllp with a project..."

"Oh alright. Put him on."

Sonic heard the slight sound of a phone switching hands, and then Shadow spoke, "Yea, whaddaya want Sonic?"

"Didja know that I'm the CEO now?"

"Since when?"

"Since about a minute ago, when I killed the old one."

"Oh. Sweet deal. Doesn't tell me what you want though."

So Sonic told him, "I've got a job for you. Come up to my office."

Shadow interrupted- "is that your old office or did you take over the CEO's office?"

"Er, I took the CEO's office. Now get up. And don't bring your pants."

"I'm a hedgehog, I don't wear pants."

Sonic looked down to confirm something before replying, "I do."

"Since when?"

"Since about three minutes ago when I stole some from a hobo."

"Well I don't."

"Oh. Well get up here anyway. And don't bring your gloves."

"Alright. Be right there, boss."

And so Shadow set off on a journey to reach Sonic's office.

THE END


	4. Hobo OfficeWear!

Author's note: Due to much complaining (read: popular demand), there will be no lies in this pre-chapter author note. However, there will be a post-chapter author note that contains exactly one lie.

A note here to my avid reviewer, "sonic4life2006": Grow up.

---

As Shadow walked out to the dumpster, he felt a hand grab his arm.

"Excuse me kind sir, could I trouble you for a coin or two?"

Shadow turned to find a hobo sitting against the wall of the alley, reaching up to him. After pondering the Hobo's request for a brief moment, he replied, "Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"A blue hedgehog stole them from me, just a little while ago. I'm very cold without them."

The hobo stopped talking for a moment, looked at Shadow, and resumed his speech: "Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"I'm a hedgehog, I don't really need any." After a brief pause: "Hey, would you like the pants from this corpse?"

"Yes sir, I would like that very much."

Shadow removed the pants of the dead ex-CEO he was carrying and gave them to the hobo. He then tossed the corpse into the dumpster and returned to the building, ignoring the chorus of thank you's emanating from the hobo.

THE END

---

Author's note: The sky is blue.


	5. Hobo Rights!

The as of yet unnamed hobo, now having pants, realized that he was suddenly allowed entrance to all kinds of buildings that he would previously have been denied entry to. So he gathered up his belongings, which is to say he gathered up a single moldy fish stick, and walked into the Sega building he had been sitting beside. Once inside, he sought out the receptionist, who was all in all quite easy to find, and did not provide the hobo half the adventure he might have liked.

"Hello," said the hobo to the receptionist. "I would like an application for employment."

"No," said the receptionist. "We don't employ your kind here."

"What?" asked the hobo. "But it's illegal to discriminate for employment on any basis."

"Obviously you haven't been paying much attention to the world. New legislation passed two years ago says that people and corporations may refuse anything to a hobo. We're all free to do as we like to you hobos now." The receptionist was lying, but how was the hobo to know?

"That's quite disturbing," said the hobo.

"Well, so are you," said the receptionist.

"I'm going to go do something about this," said the hobo, as he left to go do something about it.

THE END

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Author's note: Well! The hobo is turning out to be a somewhat interesting character. It would be interesting to see what happens next with him. Unfortunately, he hasn't even been named yet. He's probably not a main character, and I doubt we'll see him again.


	6. Exclamation Point!

Sonic was sitting at his desk staring blankly into space when his good buddy Tails walked into the office. "Tails!" he said. "Good buddy! What are you doing here?"

"Sonic... you called me here."

"...oh. So I did. So I did. Why are you covered in blood?"

"I killed some hobo who was standing around outside. He had nice pants, and that bothered me."

"Oh. Well that's fair," said Sonic. "Hey, do you think your fans would be upset if they knew that you were a violent ruthless guy, entirely unlike the character you play in our games?"

"I don't care."

"No... I suppose you don't. Anyway Tails, I've got a new idea I want to-"

Tails walked out of the room. Sonic stopped talking as he watched the fox go.

He sat there for a while, and then he ordered pizza.

As he waited, he looked at a piece of paper on his desk. It had SHADOW written on it his handwriting, but that was crossed out and the note 'isn't he supposed to be dead anyway' had been written next to it. Below that he had written TAILS, again in capitals. He now crossed out TAILS and wrote beside that 'being poopy.' With a sigh, he then wrote KNUCKLES beneath that.

This done, Sonic once again picked up the phone and prepared himself for the arduous task of making a call.


	7. Depressing Chapter!

Somewhere outside a Chuck. E. Cheese Sonic and Knuckles were talking to an offensively stereotypical Italian man. Knuckles was holding the man against a wall and occasionally punching him.

"Alright. I'm. Going. To. Ask. You. One. More. Time," said Sonic. The sentence was overly punctuated because each word was punctuated by Knuckles punching the man. "Where is Mario?"

"I told you, I don't know any Mario!" said the man.

"Sonic, are you sure we should be doing this?" asked Knuckles.

"Yes Knuckles, I'm sure," said Sonic. "Remember, nothing I tell you to do is ever evil or wrong, even if it seems like it might be at the time."

Knuckles, confident that he could never be tricked, just nodded his head and decided to utterly trust whatever crazy thing he was told.

"Please, please just let me go," said the man. "I have a little daughter... I promise I'll forget your face."

"I would love to let you go," said Sonic. "But first I need to know where Mario is. Just tell me, and this will all be over."

The man simply sobbed in response.

"Knuckles, hit him," said Sonic.

Knuckles did. The man continued to weep.

"Hit him again," said Sonic.

Knuckles did. The man made a terrible noise and passed out.

"Damnit," said Sonic. "Alright, time to go find another one."

Knuckles tossed the man aside, and then followed Sonic.


End file.
